Create a Conscious Love Relationship ?2
Robert Elias Najemy
Part 2 of 3 part series
We continue here to discuss aspects of a mature relationship.
COMMUNICATION
a. Expressing needs and feelings rather than blame.
One of the main causes of misunderstandings, tension, bitterness, unhappiness and relationship failure is our inability to communicate effectively. We have been programmed to criticize, blame and intimidate rather than express our real needs and / or feelings of insecurity, fear, inadequacy or rejection, which is usually the reality behind our negativity.
We have learned to cover our weaknesses and put up a strong and often aggressive face. We can develop alternative means of communication in which we neither suppress our needs and values, nor do we hurt or demean the other.
b. Clarifying and communicating our needs before we unite our lives:
Whether we want to see it that way or not, marriage is a contract between two persons who promise certain things to each other. Unfortunately for many, this contract is simply a formality for the religion or the state.
However, two conscious persons wanting to enter into a relationship have everything to gain by sitting down together and drawing up their own contract, independent of what the church or state may stipulate. In this way, they will discover if they really have the same goals, values and perceptions about what their relationship means. They can express what they expect of each other. This will be an opportunity to discuss lifestyles and expectations more deeply, to see if they are really meant to unite their lives, or if it is perhaps better to remain friends.
Couples already married can renew their contract every few years, making adjustments when agreeable to both which represent their present relationship needs. These contracts will evolve as their needs evolve.
COMMON ACTIVITIES
A relationship needs to be kept fresh and alive. One way is for the partners to share various types of common activities. One basic common activity is bringing up children and everything that encompasses. Other possibilities might be attending classes, lectures or cultural events together, playing games, going for walks, working on some business or creative project together, singing, dancing, traveling or even reading together, and of course, expressing love to each other physically.
In these mind and body stimulating activities, we are brought into deeper contact and have new and interesting subjects about which to think and communicate. This is much preferable to limiting our time together to watching television.
On the other hand, we need to respect each other?s unique individuality and should not try to force the other to believe what we do, or pressure him or her into some activity in which he or she is not interested. However, we all have everything to gain by being open and experimental about life, allowing ourselves to try out new experiences and activities leading to mutual growth and enrichment.
KEEP LEARNING AND GROWING
The disharmony we experience in a relationship actually is a message that we have something to learn. We would do well to analyze what we need to learn and make the corresponding adjustments in our attitude toward life.
Learning and loving are the two reasons for which we have incarnated into these bodies. When we stop learning or loving, our life is less meaningful. The purpose of life is to evolve in our wisdom, love, inner peace, selflessness and creative abilities. Getting stuck and refusing to grow is the surest way to destroy the harmony in a relationship.
From a spiritual point of view, the other is our teacher. His or her behavior is exactly what we need at this stage of our lives to learn something about ourselves and free ourselves from some beliefs or behaviors that are keeping us back in our evolutionary process.
We will dedicate a significant part of this book toward clarifying what we need to learn from our partner?s behaviors that disturb us.
SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES
As our spiritual growth process is the basic reason for our existence in the physical plane, it is logical that it will be an important part of any successful relationship. Spiritual activity is seriously missing from the lives of most families today.
Families could pray or chant together. They could read and discuss spiritual texts together. They could meditate in silence together. They could serve the less fortunate in society. Each home can vibrate with love and harmony.
I have unfortunately throughout the years witnessed zealous spiritual aspirants who perceive their spouses, children or parents as obstacles to their spiritual growth, believing that their spirituality is dependent upon their following seminars or meditating many hours. It is true that these activities can help, but they should never be reasons to lose our love for those who might consciously or subconsciously obstruct us.
Love and selflessness are always the highest forms of spirituality.
Parts 3 of this series will contain the following subjects:
Distinguish Between the Other and His Behavior.
See the Other as Your Teacher.
Keeping Promises
Unconditional Love
Reaching Out Beyond the Relationship
Develop Your Own Relationship with the Divine.
(Adapted from the forthcoming “Relationships of Conscious Love” by Robert Elias Najemy. His book “The Psychology of Happiness” (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.
About the Author
Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies.
He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece with 3700 members.
His book The Psychology of Happiness; ISBN 0-9710116-0-5 is available at www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. where you can view and download FREE articles and e-books.
The trouble of calling on a gaming establishment makes it advisable to give up on it unless one must go there. At the end of the day, the traffic, the trouble, and tasks at hand seem not worth the troubles for the chance to try your luck at gaming establishment, however, in case you’re the type that is absolutely fascinated by games of luck then going online is surely the obvious answer. There’s no pressure to leave your familiar environment for online video poker and similar because you’ll do all this from your familiar home office provided you have a fully functional personal computer and, obviously, Internet access. Nonetheless, you should read on now, as there’s a good many important guidelines which you will positively want to consider in regards to online video poker and similar, notably should you be unseasoned in this realm.
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Salary negotiations aren’t easy for most people. If you’re going
after a new job, you don’t want to price yourself out of the
market. If you’re attempting salary negotiations at a job you
already have, then you may be afraid of bringing up the subject
at all or be concerned you won’t be taken seriously, or worse,
that you will make your current boss angry. Fortunately in
either case, if you do your homework, approach the matter of
salary negotiations in a professional way, you will likely be
surprised to hear your employer say yes to your salary
requests–and always present them as requests, not demands.
The very first step in salary negotiation, though, is to know
your own value. This is particularly true when negotiating for a
salary increase in a job you already have. To determine your
worth, consider these things:
* Your skills * Your experience * Your education level
All of these things are important when evaluating what you are
worth as an employee. After you determine your own worth, you
want to research how much others are making for the same job
you’re doing. Again, your experience, education and skills must
be comparable. Someone with the same job title you have may,
indeed, be making thousands of dollars more than you are, but
when you investigate, you’ll probably learn that the person has
10 years’ more experience than you do, lives in an area where
salaries are higher overall or has a higher education level than
you do.
Once you know your worth and what your position or the position
you’re seeking is worth, then you are ready to present your
salary or salary increase request to your employer. This is
where the research you do will pay off most because, as in
anything else, presentation is everything. The better prepared
you are with facts and figures, the more likely an employer is
to listen.
When involved in salary negotiations you, above all, want to
have your facts and figures ready. You will want to be prepared
to calmly and rationally explain why you feel you deserve the
raise or salary you’re asking for. Having the facts and figures
ready to back up your salary request will ensure you have the
confidence to answer any questions that may be thrown at you
during salary negotiations. Being unprepared is what normally
causes people to fail when negotiating for the salaries they
want–and deserve.
Don’t let this happen to you. Be prepared. Know your worth,
position’s worth, what similar companies are paying in your
area, and don’t make the discussion personal. Never bring
personal matters such as child support payments or new car needs
into salary negotiation discussions. Salary negotiations should
always be conducted in a professional, businesslike manner–and
the more professional and prepared you are, the more likely you
are to get that raise or salary you deserve.
My High School Tryout
The winter thaw was in full bloom. All I thought about from the
fall of 1963 to the winter of 1964 was playing baseball.
Weequahic High School’s baseball season started in the middle of
March. March 15, 1964 could not arrive fast enough. Even if
tryouts started outside in the snow, I would have been there.
But they started in the gym, because it was so cold outside.
I remember walking through the halls of school on that first day
of tryouts in a baseball daze. I kept thinking about how I was
going to do. Would I hit? After school was where the phase of
the daze turned into hits and mitts. “Okay start throwing the
ball around.” I heard Mr Ginsburg say, as he strolled out of his
office. The coach had spoken. Time to get moving. So I started
playing catch. I was so excited to have a glove on and playing
ball. The winter is always too long when you yearn to be playing
baseball.
After tossing the pill around for a while it was time to hit. We
had no pitching machine so we improvised. Now get this. The gym
at Weequahic High had a regular sized basketball court. On both
sides of the court there were two more basketball baskets. From
each basket a rope was tied that hung to a height of my stomach.
Attached to the end of the rope was a baseball. Yes the rope
went through the middle of the ball and out the other side of
the ball. It was my job to hit the baseball into the mat that
was positioned up against the wall, under the basket. The ball
hung about two feet from the mat. I was nervous as I heard the
coach tell us what to do. So simple a concept. Hit a ball into a
mat. What if I messed up? Would I be cut in less than an hour of
tryouts?
Batting was it for me. If I couldn’t hit this somewhat
stationary ball - I should rest my bat in the bat rack for good.
Fat chance. I hit the ball so hard the sound it made hitting the
mat had everyone in the gym looking at me. Boom. I can still
hear the echoes in the gym.
My buddies patted me on the back. I was relieved. I passed my
first test.